I'm 39...

I know that I like to keep things positive, but I like to be real too. This is going to be an emotional overshare, I am sure. I may regret writing this later, but seeing into my old feelings may be helpful to myself or to my family in the future. I am not going to lie, it was the least celebrated birthday that I have ever had.  I bought myself a new rug a couple weeks before, so that was my present. I didn't unwrap anything on my birthday this year.  I wished that I had something to open, but I do love the new rug. I knew the night before that it was going to be just a normal busy day with sports and Danny working that night and said that maybe we should just ignore the birthday or try to go to dinner that weekend. I also knew that my parents couldn't come to visit. They usually do and I love that. I knew that they would if they could. I certainly wasn't mad about that. Only sad that my Dad is so sick. 

Danny asked if I wanted something special for breakfast, but I didn't because I wanted to eat something healthy that I could plan on my own. He got donuts before he went to work to show that we were celebrating. I wasn't very thankful that he ignored my answer, but I think he wanted to show the kids and I that we were celebrating. He was trying to be kind, so I am thankful for that intention.

Really though, it wasn't too special of a day and I knew it. My lack of close friends around here was super evident and I felt sad and lonely. I thought things like, "It has been over a year and a half  here and I am failing at making friends." It is frustrating because I know that I am capable of being a great friend, but it just isn't happening too well lately. I know that I am to blame. I am awkward, insecure, and slow to warm up to adults sometimes. I know it is weird, but I feel so much more comfortable with kids and teenagers.  I was just thinking about how I haven't been a good friend to others and haven't celebrated their birthdays well, so why should they celebrate mine. I was really down on myself that morning. I did enjoy lots of facebook messages from friends all over though. Thank you, far away friends and family! 

I made it better for myself by volunteering in Katherine's classroom- reading and doing Tuesday folders, and then eating lunch with K and G at school. I really enjoyed those things, but felt sad that no one knew me well enough to know that it was my birthday. I am not the kind of person to go around announcing it, but maybe I should have. Haha! 

I was really thankful for Christian when I picked him up because he could tell that I was down and cheered me up. Sweet boy! 

I have decided that for next year I am going to have the kind of b-day that I want to have! Not in a spoiled brat kind of way, but in an "I am responsible for my life and for my thoughts, feelings, and actions" kind of way. I really don't like the sadness and victim mentality that I had this year. So, instead I will plan something that I love to do with the family and will also plan a girls dinner or party or a weekend with friends. Hold me to it! 40 is going to be fantastic!

Dad's Cancer

There is no good way to write about this. About 9 years ago my dad had double vision. It was inexplicable and went away on his own. Well, it happened again at the beginning of the month. My uncle Joe passed away on April 2. On the day of his funeral, Monday April 8, my dad wasn't feeling very well due to double vision and head pressure. He also felt a bit dizzy and nauseous and slightly unsteady that day, so went to the emergency room after the funeral. We thought  that he might have had a mild stroke. Initially, they thought there was a brain bleed. They ran several tests including an MRI. They found a brain lesion and suspected lymphoma. They scanned him and the rest of his body was clean. They had to do a brain biopsy on April 12. Thankfully, that procedure went as planned. They immediately knew that it was an inoperable malignant brain tumor though and that was extremely upsetting news. On April 17, they found out that it was a form of lymphoma, as predicted, but that it would take a while longer to determine the exact diagnosis.  We didn't get the full diagnosis until April 24.  It is Diffuse large B-cell lymphoma of the Central Nervous System. It took a long time to fully diagnose because it is a rare brain tumor. He will be starting on aggressive chemotherapy shortly. He will go to VCU for treatment because they have the technology to do a stem cell transplant after the chemotherapy. It will be a very hard road, but the good news is that there is a possibility for a cute. My dad will obey doctors' orders with exactness and we will pray for and expect miracles.

My parents have been through a lot together in their 49+ years of marriage. This has been their hardest trial. The tumor is affecting him very quickly in many ways. He is usually so healthy and physically fit, and this has been hard to see.  He has had several awful side effects-from the tumor and from the steroids. One was that he couldn't sleep more than a total of 3-4 hours in a 24 hour period. I don't want to get into every detail because my dad is such a private person, but it has been rough.  My dad is being so patient and brave and my mom is the embodiment of hope and charity. I love them both so much and absolutely hate that they are going through this.

My parents friends and their ward family have been an amazing support! My brothers and my Aunt Mary have been too. We are also so thankful for the doctors and nurses who are being so good to my dad and for the medicine and medical technology available to help him.

Danny Successful Defended His Dissertation!

Major accomplishment! We are so proud of him!

Easter Sunday!

We went to church at the Culpeper ward in the morning and enjoyed a great Easter service. 

We went to my parents house in Richmond in the afternoon. We were thankful to see my dad at home! With everything going on with his health right now, I was so thankful to be able to be with him. And because I am unsure of what the future holds, I was extra thankful to think about the Resurrection and the ability to be together forever eternally. 

The kids enjoyed the traditional Easter egg hunt.

They also enjoyed beautiful handmade treats from Chelsea Gregory, an amazing friend of my parents, who knew that my mom wouldn't have had the time to do all of the things that she usually likes to do to spoil the grandchildren. Wasn't that so kind?! My parents' ward and their friends have been amazing! I am so very thankful for all of them for loving and serving my parents in such thoughtful and selfless ways!

It was a really special day and I was so thankful to be together!

Spring Break 2019

We had a really fun family day at the zoo.

We really enjoyed learning about this electric eel!

Boys and Girls Outings

The boys went to see a movie, if I recall properly.

The girls went to Outback and the mall. Katherine made her first ever Build a Bear!

Easter Egg Dying

National Junior Honor Society

Christian didn't apply for NJHS last year and I told him that I thought he should have and advised that he needs to next time at the high school. Well, I didn't know that would have the opportunity again in 8th grade, but he did! I think my sweet boy filled out the application just to please me! He gets good grades and is a good kid, so he deserved it too. Well done, C-bass!

Nice Project, Grant!

It was last minute, but he got it done! He followed the rubric and got 100. Good job!

Paige's Cancer

Another hard one to write about.... It was within a couple days that I heard that she most likely had cancer, that I found out my dad did. We also found out that Paige's dad had prostate cancer. That was a lot to take in. Too much bad news all at once. I was very upset, but I prayed hard.  I remember feeling peace when I prayed a long and sincere prayer about these loved ones when I was driving to RIC to the hospital to visit my dad. I felt Peace in Christ- that he has felt every pain and heartache, that he was resurrected so that we all can be, and that no matter what happens, things will work out in the end. She has been diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. I hate that we live far away and that I can't easily help. I definitely pray and am always here if she wants to talk, but I want to help carpool the kids, clean the house, stock freezer meals, and do whatever else is needed. I hate that she has to go through this, but I know that she will make it through! We definitely love her and will be rooting for her!

Conference Weekend

It wasn't the most prepared or reverent conference weekend, but I did throw together a makeshift conference store as the kids requested. We did a pretty good job watching at home and Danny and Christian went to the church to better pay attention to Priesthood. 

I felt like it was a good thing because we tried, showed our kids that it is important, and felt the spirit at times throughout the conference.

Flu

Danny, Katherine, and Victoria has the flu for a week. It was not the most exciting start to April with people feeling crummy, coughs, aches, runny noses, and breathing treatments.

April Fool's Day Ear Piercing